What a FEEEELING..... DO DO DOOO DO DO.

Time for another update. I must say, I have not been updating in my blog as often as I was in June. That could either be a sign that i am not obsessing over it as much, and its just becoming a healthy lifestyle.. or, it could mean that im not kicking myself in the butt enough and am losing some steam.

To that i respond as follows: I will admit that the vancouver time period as well as a few days thereafter were not top-notch. I was not putting in enough effort. However, i can confidently say that this past week I have gotten absolutely back on track and am feeling GREAT once again! My girl dana lent me her scale and i am now 22 LBS DOWN!!!!! CAN YOU FREAKIN BELIEVE IT?! I have NEVER lost more than 20 lbs in my life, during any one particular "diet". I am soo proud of myself and this only motivates me to keep going!
My family is so supportive and they all have said that they can notice a big difference.

** side note: I BOUGHT A NEW CAR TODAY!!!! WEEEEE! ITS SOOO HOT AND SEXY!! It gives me motivation to be hot and sexy INSIDE my car too! oh that sounded bad.. i meant.. looking hot and sexy IN my car***


Im making tonite a short entry due to my day shift tomorrow... that i MUST work.. due to my large debt I incured today... yikes.

I've still got it :P

weeellllll...
I had been slightly discouraged the last few days as I returned from vancouver feeling like i was back at square one. I was feeling tired, lethargic, overweight, gross... like i did over a month ago. I felt like I couldn't suck in my gut really easily like i could throughout june. I was so upset.. and scared.. thinking: has all my hard work gone to waste? Did i REALLY fall off the wagon... AGAIN??! AFTER ALL I DID AND SAID??

But.. luckily I decided that i just simply wasn't putting in enough effort. Yesterday and today i totally pulled up my bootstraps and got back in tune with my healthy lifestyle. I realize how much i love eating healthy and exercising.. and how much more in control and powerful I feel. I feel like Im taking action to make myself healthier. Being out of control is a horrible feeling. And.. the month of july has really gone by so quickly! I can barely believe that it is JULY 21ST!! which means... (i haven't done a count in so long!!) that it has been 51 days as of today!!!
OMG 51 DAYS!!!!! that has never ever happened!! GRANTED.. i did indulge a bit in vancouver. Ok wait lets get right on on the table the sins that occured in vancouver:
I ate pizza-- but i only had 1 or two slices at a time.
I ate a sandwhich and fry combo once
sean and i split a sandwhich and fry thing once.
Oh and the greek resturant with all that greecy calamari and spanakopita.. mmmmmm
other than that tho.. i really kinda kept things good. Like buying veggies at granville island.. making a salad.. eating yogart and bran muffin for breakfast... splitting a small gelato with sean instead of getting a large one for myself.. and also all the walking we did.. thats why i maintain that it wasn't a complete and total fall-off-the-wagon. I've done worse in the past .. much worse!
AND WHATS MORE: this time im not using it as an excuse for completely giving up and returning to my old unhealthy way of life. I am back on the eating healthy track. I just have to kick up my fitness a lot more. This part is probably the struggle for me.

51 days... wow.. no mcdonalds.. no wendy's .. no poutine.. no KFC... very minimal grease in my diet. IM so proud of myself. I MADE FRIENDS WITH THE STAIRS!
I've still got it.. Im still doing it... sorry vancouver... the bitch is back!!

I am so glad that july is going by faster. its almost like.. im not really counting now.. im just living it... and its going by much faster. I like it. I am excited to lose more weight though.. i really should purchase a scale. My clothes rapidly got looser in june.. but they haven't got any looser than that. So .. im still waiting.. playing the waiting game.. but probably all this minor sinning is what has kept me here.

** I love the feeling of my thighs and calves burning as i go up the stairs slllooowwwwly**

Mad Fat Girl.

So im back from vancouver. I didn't COMPLETELY fall off the wagon.. we did a LOT of walking. HOwever.. i did break my "no fries" rule.. and i didn't eat the healthiest.
But... as of right now.. I am not going to focus on what I could have done different.. the fact remains that I am home now, and im going to get right back on track. I need to bring back the 2litres of water a day.. bring back the walking (not that I ever left it..) and bring back my healthy eating. Also.. in order to make my goals for july work out.. i need to find a new exercise method to start. I think perhaps I will ask sarah if i can borrow her turbo jam.

I need to shock my body back into the fitness routine to rid myself of any extra weight i may have put back on in vancouver.

So we went down to Seattle for a day during our trip... to do some shopping. I say this with the least amount of enthusiasm due to the fact that fat girls and shopping... don't equal happy times. As I walked around all the brand name stores with tyler's size zero girlfriend ... I thought to myself.. how can shopping be fun for fat girls? In this ENTIRE outlet complex... i doubt i can find ONE thing that fits me. Its so degrating. Then I noticed a Lane Bryant store on the map.. so YAY a plus size store. Should I be excited? More than excited I got even MORE bitter. I think its terrible that being fat means you are limited to one maybe TWO stores and are basically forced to comply with the styles they provide you. It takes away all peronal style-identity and creativity on the fat girls part. This angered me even more. What if I don't like Lane Bryant clothes? Being fat FORCES ME to comply and buy what they provide for me. This was making my blood boil. Its times like these that i SWEAR TO GOD I will change my life and my body NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.


I am making this a short entry so that I will have more good things to report in a couple days.

HOLIDDAAAAAY ..celebraaaate

Just a quick entry before i get on the plane to go to vancouver. I am excited to get out of the city and find something new to do. Although im not looking forward to the wet heat i know will be in the air on the coast. I am excited to see the ocean tho. I always love to see the ocean. That reminds me.. i need to put some film in my camera.

So .. diet-wise... i haven't been the most perfect girl. I know I know... i totally need to get back on the wagon. Not that Im completely off... I've STILL MANAGED to stay away from all fast food....
I just hope that I can stay fairly on the wagon in vancouver .. oh well i just have to decide that I will.

My picture depicts my bootylicious self on vacation! Too bad there arent' any palm trees in vancouver. thats the ONLY DIFFERENCE between that picture and reality... *shifts eyes*

well i had better get my ass packing.. seans would tan my hide if he knew i haven't started!!!!

im out!

LOVE LOVE LOVE...

I have to take this moment to give soooo much love and thanks to my WONDERFUL friends and family, who love me so much and support me so much through my journey to "becoming bootylicious."

For the longest time, I was so embarrassed about my weight, it was the LAST thing I ever wanted to talk about. But now Im at a point where, everyone knows im struggling with it, they might as well know that im trying to change it. Fessing up and being honest about your weaknesses gives as much relief as telling the truth when you've been lying. Its freeing.

I just talked on msn with a really good friend who, no matter how negative I am or no matter HOW MANY TIMES i "fail".. he remains OVERWHELMINGLY positive and supportive of me. It is truly humbling to know that no matter how low im feeling, I can go to this person and he offers a burst of motivation and confidence WITHOUT FAIL. He motivates me, believes in me.. and just told me "im right there with you, every step of the way." ... Its like having my own personal "bob green."

And whats truly amazing, is that he's not the only person in my life like that. I have sooo many ppl pulling for me, who WANT to see me succeed. I EVEN have a friend who lives in L.A, who constantly supports me and encourages me and tells me how beautiful I am and how good I will feel when i achieve my goal. I have someone in Calgary who is routing for me and gives me tips and ideas. He is the one who helped me discover "3Fatchicks.com" -- a support forum. I know that I can go to him when im down and out... and he'll try his best to pick me up and dust me off. I love these people. He has told me in exact words "I believe in you". I never imagined Iwould hear all these supportive words from these people in my life. Guess it shows how much they care about me and how WORTH IT I am to do this for myself.

I have girlfriends who want to work out with me, I have family that want me to call them when I feel like giving up, or when Im doing great-- just to chat about it. I have people in my life I can be completely honest with about this whole thing.

To everyone in my life that loves me, and everyone that I love.. that biiiiig huuuge heart up there is for you. I knew I wasn't doing this alone.

15 down!

So today I was at my friend's tupperware party.. and i weighed myself. I am now officially 15lbs lighter than my heaviest weight!!! yaaaay! I have noticed a bit more attention from guys... I have certainly received lots of compliments on my slimming figure.. so thats good.. and im definitely feeling more energetic and more "together"--physically and mentally.

I just have to keep telling myself that really... this isn't THAT hard.. and there really is no excuse for why I can't continue doing this. I want to be fit and healthy more than anything in my life and there is NO reason why I can't keep this up to acheive what I've wanted to acheive for as long as I can remember. I don't want to be 40 looking back at all the time I wasted. It has officially been 1 month and 5 days.. I dont' know if I ever thought I'd go this long. Can you imagine when I say... its been 4 months.. or 5 or 6 months.... or even a year?? I know i recently bought clothes from old navy, however.. the sizes are still considered plus (my pants are 20 at old navy. I will be so freakishly excited when I can fit into a medium at the majority of stores. I'll know how far I've come when that happens.

I so deserve this.

Loosen up my Buttons Babe...

It remains ridiculously hot out.. even now at 10:36PM i am sitting at my computer sweating like a banchee.. this house is so hot... its a sauna. All the more reason to hydrate hyrdrate hydrate!!! This pic represents the burning need to refill the water cooler during this type of heat wave. 33 degrees tomorrow, and I will be biking to work again. I wish I owned a scale because I really want to know if Im losing any more weight. I kinda feel like im just at a stand-still. I know this will take an incredbily long time so im trying to not to let it get to me. Im still getting tons of compliments and for all intents and purposes, IM sitll very much ON THE WAGON. I guess its just hard because I've never succeeded for this long before (like i said i usually last 2 weeks max.) and now im working on my second month, and so I dont' know how my body is SUPPOSED to react to what im doing. Im biking to work, taking my stairs, drinking my water, eating my healthy foods. There are areas where I can improve though and I just need to make a bigger effort. For instance, I know i need to eat MORE during the day. I know that days that I sleep in, I miss a meal.. and i don't add everything I should to my diet. I really should start a food journal. Do i do it online? or should i just do it in a booklet. ... hmm..

Just as a quick aside... Im currently interested in someone that might be interested in me as well. We went on a date-ish... and it was good.. and wow... good looking guy. It made me realize (not that i hadn't before but..) how really low my self esteem is as a result of years of being overweight. I met him for the first time at a club on saturday night (canada day.) My friend wan't to introduce us, and when i walked in the bar and saw him... My first immediate thougth was: He's waaay too goodlooking for me and he'll sooo not want to be with me. Dawn (said friend who introduced us..) gave me shit for thinking that way.. turns out he's a really down to earth guy.. and I can't deny .. they boy's got sex-appeal.

So .. Im having a good time fitting into my cute old navy clothes.. and i just can't WAIT for the day they are too big. I love keeping this blog because I can now look back and read when I said things like "I can't WAIT until its been a full month" or "Yay 7 whole days!!" cuz now i know its been way more than 7 days and it will be many many more 7 day stretches. Now Im going to say "I can't wait until it has been 2 whole months." ...

I have not jogged or walked yet this week. Besides the fact that Im on my feet for 8 hours straight during the day, biking there and taking the stairs) I haven't actually gone on A WALK like i said i would 3 times per week. Perhaps that is something I can rectify tomorrow. Its just been tooo damn hot. I can't be outside when its like this...
BRING ON THE RAIN!

So the title of this entry has a double meaning.
1. My new favourite song of the moment is "Buttons" by the pussy cat dolls. I freakin love these girls they are so sexy and fun. Its such a great song and when it comes on i dance around my room!
2. the other meaning of the title is the fact that all my clothes are falling off me right now and my "buttons" are loosening... its my new mantra to will the universe to make my buttons EVEN LOOSER.

lOOSEN uP my BUtoNs Babe... na na na naaa na na... Sayin what you gon doo to me... but i ain't seen nuthin...

ANYWAY....
I think im beginning to melt from the freaking heat in this house... so down to the basement I go.. down to the coool cooooool basement.

I'd like to thank the Academy...

HOOOLLLAAAAAAA!! WHOOOT WHOOOOOOOOT!!
Thats rigtht ladies and gents... the date is OFFICIALLY JULY 1ST!!
U know what THAT means?!? I have made it ONE FULL MONTH!!!!!

This has never happened in the history of failed attempts of Bonnie!

I need to take this moment to seriously aknowledge the accomplishments I have made thus far in my journey to "becoming bootylicious"

1. I successfully have stayed away from "fast food" for one month. Not including salads and healthy choices like extreme pita and subway, I have rid my diet of greasy mcodonalds fries, and have succeeded in cold -turkeying my addiction to big mac meals. (I am not in the clear from that place yet) but i HAVE managed to stay away from it for the whole month!
2. I have taken the stairs at least once every shift at work (all exept one shift because I had bronchitis.) The stairs have gotten slighty easier, but are still a challenge for me. Nevertheless, I consider them my friend, and am much more willing to take them now.
3. I have purchased a bike and gotten used to riding it! (although I do still long for a donut to sit on after some rides.)
4. I have swam my "full half hour of laps" on several occasions. I have made friends with the pool again. (OH how i've missed you)
5. I have BEGUN JOGGING!! That, AND, i have adopted a jogging buddy in Dana. We will be jogging in the river valley in no-time.
6. I have mastered the 2litres of water every day!
7. I have let pretty much everyone in my life know what im doing, to gain full support and to encourage myself to keep going!
8. I am stronger.
9. I can withstand more exercise for longer periods.
10. My thighs are stronger and hold out for longer (when dancing etc... FEELS GOOOD)
11. My clothes are fitting much looser, I can tell Im going down a size or two..
12. I am more energetic.
13. I am DEFINITELY HAPPIER... not so weepy and emotional.
14. I am more confident.
15. I am more willing to try new things.
16. My blood pressure has gone from 140/84 to 116/88
17. I am 11 lbs lighter than my heaviest weight.
18. I am getting compliments on my thinning figure.
19. I am feeling sexier.
and 20. today I bought my first set of clothes at OLD NAVY... (a non-plus-size store!!) Unfortunately.. I am only fitting into a size 20 at old navy.. but an 18 everywhere else (i swear that their size 20 is really an 18) and also.. i used to SQUEEEEZE into their XXL shirts. NOW... their XXL shirts are TOO BIG! And I purchased 5 XL shirts. (i know a bit excessive but im going to vancouver.. need something to wear.) Regardless.. its a regular-person-sized-STORE!!!
happy dance** happy dance...**


I have to set a new set of goals for the month of JULY.

1. I will walk/run at least 3 times per week.
2. I will swim Once per week (provided I have a car.. working on that)
3. I will continue to ride my bike to work as well as take the stairs at work.
4. I will continue to drink 2 Litres of water per day.
5. I will take up one new type of exercise this month (yoga, turbo-jam, aerobics, SOMETHING.)

TARGET: To be fitting a size 18 pant at Old Navy by the end of july.

Tonight I was at a club dancing my booty off.. and I realized.. this feels sooo incredible. to be able to move, to dance, to feel confident, to GET compliments, to know what I have acheieved, to have worked hard for it, to DESERVE it, to love myself to start to see potential for a NEW life. This feels soooo incredible. The other night when I ate that greasy pizza... that felt like shit. There is absolutely NO comparison between the two. I am starting to GET that food can NOT control me anymore. It feel so powerful to be able to control what goes in my mouth, and to be PROUD of knowing that I am getting healthier and healthier, and in the process I am getting a WHOLE NEW LIFE.

Keep going Bonnie!!! Get-er-done!