Day 13

Today is day 13. This is usually around the time where i have given up in the past. I certainly feel the urge to give up. I feel the urge for a big mac meal. I feel the urge to drive to work instead of bike. I feel the urge to lay on the couch and watch days of our lives. I feel the urge to go to the cupboard and find a snack. I feel the urge to stop drinking water. I feel the urge to say to hell with it i'll always be fat.
But even stronger I feel the urge to have a thinner waist. I feel the urge to go dancing at a club and feel sexy. I feel the urge to be able to run and LIKE IT. I feel the urge to be able to run up 7 flights of stairs instead of taking them slowly. I feel the urge to look into the mirror and love what i see staring back at me. I feel the urge to flirt, to date, to be in love, to make love, to feel desired. I feel the urge to inspire others. I feel the urge to be proud of myself. I feel the urge to stun people I haven't seen in a long time. Most of all, I feel the urge to be who i REALLY am, and also FIND OUT who I really am.
I want to DO all those things I listed in that previous entry about what I would do when I lose the weight. I dont' want to dream about it my whole life. I want to do it. I want to KNOW I CAN.

There. That is my inspiration for the day. In 45 minutes I will be biking to work again. When I get there I am going to take the 7 flights of stairs up to my unit. While I give out meds tonight I am going to finish my 2nd litre of water for the day, and on my supper break I will eat my chicken garden salad and yogart that I have prepared. I will take the 8 flights of stairs back up to my unit from the basement after my supper break. I will feel good. I will bike home. I will feel good. I will go to bed early. I will sleep well. I will get up and begin my 14th day. It really does feel like its been waaay longer than 13 days and I find myself feeling like this journey will take FOREVER and I dont' know how much longer I can do it. But then, I think... is it really THAT hard?? Is it THAT hard to stay away from fast food? is it THAT hard to bike to work instead of drive? is it THAT hard to prepare my meals?? the answer is no. Its not... suck it up.. do it. If I don't do it, I will stay fat and depressed. If i DO do it .. I will change my life... Not that hard of a decision.