Hungover = That much harder to stay ON THE WAGON!

Today is the 11th of June. So it has been 11 days. I feel really great about my accomplishments. Although last night I was at a wedding and I did end up visiting the porcelein gods by the end of the night. But today, even in my hungover stupor, I still made it to the pool and did my half hour of laps. I went with my sister and her husband. Everytime i'd swim past my brother-in-law he'd call out to me a percentage of my 30 minutes that I had already completed. "54.6% done!".... "64.8% done!!!"..... "86.2% done!!!!" ... "Goooo Bonnie... goooo bonnie!" It felt really great to have such encouragment. And as I swam my laps I'd look over beside me and there was my sister doin laps right along with me. I think that when I lose my weight... the only person that would be prouder of myself than me, is my sister. I love our relationship and I can't wait until we can share clothes, and I can feel normal.

Im really frustrated right now. Not just about the fact that im sitting here really hungry.. but its a culmination of other things in my life right now annoying me. Most of it is financial stress, which I know is reletively easy for me to solve.. so I shouldn't be complaining. Its just a bad time of the month right now for me financially, and its putting me in a bad mood. Im realizing that all this stress is really reallllly making me want to go eat. And that in general is making me feel like a failure. Even though im not going to.

OK... i am going to go dance around my room to some beyonce... see if that helps...

*10 minute interlude*

.... Ok... so i cleaned up a little and danced to my booty-shakin music and now i feel better. I shouldn't dwell on stupid things i can't change. Its not the end of the world that I will miss my hockey games, I will be making my badly needed money and I am no where near bankruptcy so im still doing good.

PLUS... how awesome am I GOING TO LOOK when i lose my weight ?!?!?!
So awesome thats what!
I can't wait to walk into the room and instead of getting stares because im so FAT i will get stares because DAMN i look hot.

Signs that I am succeeding:
1. My jeans are way looser (can take them off without undoing them!)
2. I fit into a size 18 skirt (down from a size 20)
3. I am not working so hard to suck in my gut all day
4. My arms are losing some unwanted "flab"
5. I am less short of breath when Im active
6. I can exercise for longer periods and tolerate it much better
7. I am more energetic throughout the day
8. I am not as emotionally "down" as I have been.
9. I am spending less money on fast food
10. I am gaining some confidence

In the last few days i've been presented with blatant opportunities to fall of my wagon. Not good. Especially because i normally so easily give in to temptation.
However, today as i sat in boston pizza with my sister and her hubby after swimming (not my choice they were really hungry) .. i decided to look at all of those moments as small challenges and i tried to think of it as a fun little game to see how many of those moments I can overcome. Today, I really really wanted to get something yummy like a sandwich and fries or something.. but instead I decided I would get pizza. So I opted for an individual (normally I would eat way more than an individual) and i got a vegetarian pizza (hey.. veggies... mozza.. not tooo terrible) ... and while waiting for my food i drank 3 LARGE glasses of ice cold water, and sipped my fourth one while eating my pizza. I decided also to eat my pizza with a fork and knife so that i was eating it slower, really chewing and taking small breaks while eating it. I found that half way through the pizza, i was feeling full! So i boxed up the other half to take home. Mission complete!

Now.. for all of you that are thinking "omg this girls going obsessive she only ate half an individual sized pizza for supper.." I had already had a bowl of mushroom soup and some mixed raw veggies before we went swimming, and earlier a turkey sandwhich with lettuce, tomatoes and cheese. Keep in mind i slept in till noon due to my incredible hang-over. (ha ha.) And I wasn't even going to eat anything at boston pizza but i thought, if my temptation is going to get the better of me, better make it a healthier choice!

So ... last night I was at a wedding. I have positives and negatives for the night on the whole.
Negatives:
1. I did not use the "no-touch technique" very effectively.. my food WAS touching.. and it was damn good.
2. I did indulge in desert.
3. I did indulge in the open bar ... hehe.. ooops.

Positives:
1. I felt semi-good about the way I looked in my size 18 skirt.
2. I did NOT go back for seconds (normally i sure would)
3. I tried to eat fuit for desert (along with the sweets i took in -- oops.)
4. At first I decided Not to partake in the late lunch. However, I had had some drinks and was feeling "carefree" -- not a good combination with dieting. So I did take a small plate during the late lunch. This is under positives because a friend came and told me to get my ass on the dance floor for a good song .. she said to me "our food will still be here when we get back" ... at that moment i was so thankful that she came to get me, and I decided NOT to go back to the table at all... instead i stayed on the dance floor.

Looking around at all the couples dancing just reaffirmed my committment to changing my life and showing the people in my life the real me. I can't wait to feel like the prettiest girl in the room. I deserve that.

Going to bed on a hopeful note.

And thank you my redhead chris from calgary for listening to me and always encouraging me so much... as always, tonight your advice and support meant so much.